feeling the spirit

Christmas is over, can you believe it? Yesterday I disassembled my fake tree and shoved it back into its tiny box. I tucked the beautiful wrapping paper back into the kids closet. I carefully took down our handmade snowflake garland and considered keeping it for next year but decided instead to throw it away because I thought that making the snowflakes with Benny was the funnest part and I'd rather make them again next year with him than just get out the same old flakes.

Done. Now the season is tucked away. Well... sort of. I left out some Christmas candy and have been taking a piece every time I walk past it.

It was our first Christmas officially living together and I tried really hard to find thoughtful gifts for the kids and for Curtis. The kids reminded me regularly that my tree was much smaller than their moms tree and they expressed their wishes for more ornaments. Comparing my little fake tree to their mothers real big festive tree was like a damp cloth on my Christmas spirit flame. I'm still on the fence with one leg on the side of trying to impress the kids and make them love me while the other leg dangles freely on the side of doing what I want and making choices for my own happiness. I think there might be slivers in my ass from swaying back and forth too often. What a strange place to find myself in.

My tiny tree

The best part about this years Christmas has to be that my sisters came home! I'm so happy we can all be together. I don't know how much longer this kind of situation will last. Eventually KC and Kate will get married and we'll have to time share them too. For now, we can be together and I can think of no greater present than that.

A natural accompaniment to my sister Camille being home is that her incredible children are here too. Emily is so fresh and tiny and perfect. She never cries. Her nickname PB really does fit because she really is a perfect baby. I had missed her so much since they left in the summer and i'm just so thankful I can spend time with the kids right now.  After work today I'll go watercolor with Olivia and maybe Sam will hug me... Maybe.