Thursday, April 30, 2009


Deeper and deeper I sink. Pit of despair where did you come from? Go back. Go away!
How can I be so up and down! Happy one minute, scratching holes in my skin to find a way out just a few minutes later.

What does it mean to truly be happy? I have a beautiful life. I surround myself with people who love me without circumstance. I love them back, the same way, without condition. Were The Beatles right? Is love all I need?

I have a reliable source of income, money ain't a thang I can say without hesitation. I even like the people I work with every day. They make each day tolerable and they remind me that i'm human and its ok to go home and I dont have to work on the weekend if I dont want to. Plus, I have a job, and a lot of people don't right now. I'm lucky. I work hard. I kiss ass. I deserve to be where I am.

I think i've come pretty far from where I used to be. If you knew me 3 years ago you'd have to agree. I couldn't keep a job, I never showered, extremely lazy (er than i am now), bad attitude, didn't care about anyone but myself. I think i've done a pretty big turn around as far as self improvement goes. I even learned to cook and i'm actually really good at it, It makes me happy.

I think for me to really be happy I need to have a better understanding of who I am and what I want to be in the future. I need to find my little place in the world and just run with it. I need to choose a hobby or something I love to do, something that makes me happy, and just do it full blast. I need to make positive changes that can help me be more comfortable with myself. I need to be realistic but still hopeful.

I appreciate your patience on my journey.

Happy Birthday Boy, I love you soooo much :)

Oh and um... my cats are still cute just FYI...


kat said...
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kat said...

so, I've been feeling blah lately too, and we are very blessed fabulous girls!? Don't worry, I know who you are, where you came from and where you're going! Have you heard about the plan of happiness? the boy can tell you all about it! Lets do something full blast! xoxo

Angie said...

So I had a dream about you the other night and it could be the answer to all your worries! you owned a cupcake store called Chewy's Cupcakes and more! It was so cute and you made the best cupcakes ever! If you ever think about doing it I would be happy to slave over a hot stove and help you do it! I always thought a cupcake place would go far:) Hang in there little lady I know its hard to deal with life sometimes but you do have lots that love you! like me:)

Pollywog said...

I know I might be a little predjudice but I think you are quite amazing and wonderful. Thanks for all your help with K.C.'s party. I don't know what I'd do without you!

Kara said...

I know that this is going to sound weird but I loved that post. It was so well written! Very descriptive and made me feel and understand how you were feeling. A++! :) It's true, you are surrounded by people that love you and you have a lot to be proud of... Hmmm... what could be missing?...(Imagine me singing right now) "I am a child of God, and he has sent me here..." How about the plan of HAPPINESS?! Ha Ha, I know that you are rolling your eyes or laughing right now but just had to put it out there. Love your guts!

Kara said...

Ha! Just read Kate's comment :)