Saturday, May 31, 2008

Just because I don't like 4wheelers, doesn't mean I can't go to the theater....

So yesterday night, I got together with all my girlfriends. Sarah (and mike), Mary, Kit, Jordan, Kayla (and Jord), Coco... and we ventured down to the gateway to see Sex and the City... THE MOVIE!!! It got really bad reviews but I loved it. Made me laugh out loud, made me cry, made me feel good too. It was just like a really long episode and... well... thats cool in my opinion. It ended exactly how I wanted it to :)

I'm glad I have a few nice girlfriends who allow me to dress up and occasionally go out in public. It's not really my thing, honestly. Other than a few dollar movies earlier this year.. The last time I had even gone to a real theater was for Harry Potter back in November. I guess what i'm saying is that I rarely go out, but I'm glad that my girlfriends make me sometimes :)

I just have to say that I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo freaking excited, relieved, anxious, joyful.... about the changes coming up at work. Basically for the past 6 months i've been helping my supervisor, by being a supervisor over a group of operators. It hasn't been too hard, in fact its been far too easy. But these operators are probably the most annoying, flaky, retarded, ignorant bunch of folks i've ever met. I can only tolerate... maybe 3 of them. Sometimes 2. I love Kit and I love Tammy. But everyone else can go suck on a feces covered pretzel as far as I care.
So starting tomorrow- they all lose their jobs as hearing operators. We've done our best to place them in other departments so that they didn't lose their jobs entirely. But I am so thrilled that I no longer have to look after them, clean up their messes, help them wipe their asses, listen to their excuses excuses excuses, hear about their personal lives. Its going to be so much fun when I never have to see them again. SCORE!!!
Godspeeeeed youuuu!!!!!!!

And i'll be starting a new job here, one where I can actually, hopefully, make a difference in the company. My schedule will change back to a normal one 8-5. No more working late at night. No more sleeping in til noon. Ugh. I can't believe I got in that habit!! I used to be such a morning person. My alarm would go off and i'd hop right out of bed. But noooo, not anymore. I intentionally set my alarm clock 40 minutes before I have to get up, so that I can snooze repeatedly and make my brain think i'm getting all this extra sleep. Sleeping has become one of my favorite activities to pass time.

My cats are cuter than your cats.

My niece is cuter than your niece, no battle.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Last update, I promise.

This is my future.


I texted the viking to tell her that if she stole my G2 i'd raise hell.

Needless to say, she brought it back to me.
If you haven't tried this brand of pen, you're missing out folks.
Go pick one up, keep it in your wallets for when you have to write out checks and hold up the line at the grocery store, or for when you meet a hottie downtown and you want to write your digits on his hand, or for whatever reason you may need a pen for. You wont be disappointed.

Work has been pretty insane today, and I feel like the next few days are just gonna get much worse.

I'm gonna need some serious kitty snuggles.... Like dis:

And some poo poo cookies (mom and camille- get on it).


Things I want:
  • Nice cutting board
  • Nice sharp knife set
  • Food processor, or magic bullet
  • Kitchen Aid mixer preferably black in color. *swoon*
  • Laptop
  • Unlimited Kitty food and litter
  • Wok
  • New Teflon pans because I somehow started all of mine on fire. Don't ask.
  • Pants that fit me.
  • Good set of sturdy bowls and plates and forks and knives and glasses.
  • Vacuum
  • Swiffer :)

Just expressing my desires for some items I wish I had.
Bear cat has been gone for 4 days. I'm not very good at taking care of him. The whole indoor/outdoor stuff throws me off. I hope he comes back tonight when Mary gets home.

Someone sat in my cube and they stole my really fancy nice G2 pen. I plan to raise hell next time I see this individual. Scary old viking.

Anyway. I hope everyone had a good memorial weekend. We had an awesome BBQ on sunday with the missionaries. I tried some new meatless, soy-free chicken cutlets and they were pretty bland and dry, I most likely wont get that brand again. I could probably cook them up in some stir fry or something. Oh well. You buy, you learn.

I don't really have a lot to say right now, maybe i'll be back later today.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

S'right, I did it.

Camille told me it was ok to do the mommy tag because, my kittens are like my children. So ha!

1- Typically, what time do you wake up?
Generally I wake up around 9-9:30. Elton is between my feet and coop is laying next to my face.

2- On a good night, what time are your kids in bed?
I guess I'm a bad mother because I let my children stay up as last as they want, running around, jumping all over shit, eating anything they want. They make up their own bed times. I often catch them sneaking out of bed in the wee hours of the morning.

3- How long have you been a mommy?
Its been almost a year, I think Sarah and I became proud parents on July 14th. Thank goodness being gay cat mothers hasn't been banned yet. *crosses fingers*

4- How old were you when you became a mom?
20 Years old. Young, I know, but I wanted a family so I started early. Not as early as YOU though Mom ;)

5- What is your favorite kids TV show?
I can't afford television, what with litter prices rising, times are hard.

6- What is your least favorite kids TV show?
If I could afford television I would choose anything with dragons for my least favorite. Dragons are stupid and they'll cause your children to become rather odd at a later age. Doing unforgivable acts like wearing silky shirts with flames and or dice on them, or wearing JNCO's, or joining JROTC. Trust me guys. No dragons allowed. Unless its puff the magic dragon.. heh.. heh ;)

7- What is your favorite chore?
Is this a trick question? Does anyone really like chores? I guess my FAVORITE chore would be sweeping the kitchen floor. Because my kitchen is so small it only takes me about 1 full minute to sweep.

8- What is your favorite meal to cook?
I love pasta. Pasta with vegetables.

9- What meal do you cook most often?
I cook veggie burgers, pastas that come in boxes, cereal.

10- What is your kids' favorite meal?
My babies really enjoy Fancy Feast. Salmon bits and chicken eyes to be exact. I wish there was "partless" cat food. You know damn well they serve up toes and eyes in that shit. They wish they were like the white cat in the commercials who eats fancy feast from a huge goblet. Even though they've never seen this commercial, because like I said before, we can't afford TV, I know they visualize this happening in their dreams.

11- What's your favorite thing your husband does with your kids?
Oh I love it when my husband lets our children eat his table scraps. Its so adorable when my husband is willing to share. My husband is so amazing I love him so much, I am so glad he is helping me raise these two beautiful boys. My husband.

12- What are 5 things that make you smile when you're being a mom?
Oh boy, I only get to pick 5?
1- When I catch my children licking themselves. I love their little pink tongues and its so cool how they really clean their fur.
2- When I catch my children being gay together. Now most parents would probably be ashamed of such an act but I'm damn proud, they found true love and I won't be the one to stop them.
3- When they play with the catnip banana, they rub it all over their faces and then roll around on their backs with their paws and feet straight in the air.
4- When my children stay at the dinner table until all their food is gone. My husband and I want strong healthy boys and we wont tolerate half assed eating habits.
5- When Elton (coop doesn't do it) follows me around in the morning while I get ready. He sits on my lap when I go to the bathroom and he hangs out when I blow dry my hair. He even helps me pick out outfits... which might explain the way I dress.

Doesn't he look pleased with the scent of my bowels?

13- If you could take your kids anywhere, where would it be?
I would bring them to work with me. They could help me supervise.

14- When was the last time you went out without your kids?
I leave them home alone every day. I know they're only a year old but they take good care of themselves while my husband and I are at work.

15- What is your favorite activity to do with your kids?
We enjoy eating dinner together, telling scary stories. Watching horror movies.

16- Name one thing you said you'd never say as a mother?
"Here eat this hot dog"

17- Name something you do that your own mom did.
Tell my children I love them every day and remind them how pretty they are.

18- What is your favorite quality your mom has?
She's incredibly patient and understanding. She's also very good looking, I hope that when I grow up a little bit I can be as pretty as she is.

19- What is your favorite kids book?
Captain underpants.
Anything Dr Suess
Anything written by Roald Dahl: The twits, the witches, Matilda, the BFG, Charlie and the chocolate factory.. etc. etc.

20- What is your favorite advice for new moms?
Uhh take lots of pictures and try not to kill them whether accidental or intentional. If you can't take care of a dog/cat, don't have children.
Hopefully when i'm president, i'll be able to enforce the rule that no one is allowed to breed unless they pass a series of tests. That way we wont have to painfully watch STUPID PARENTS leave their children unattended at the supermarket or mall while they shop or talk on their cell phones.

21- What is your most heartbreaking moment as a mom?
When my babies get shit stuck in their fur, its tragic I tell you, absolutely heartbreaking.

22- What is your most joyful moment as a mom?
Waking up to them snuggling me every day. Watching them grow.

23- When was the last time you told one of your kids, "I love you"?
This morning about 15 times.

24- When was the last time you were told, "I love you" by your kids?

Believe it or not, my children can't speak english yet. We speak strictly in meow however, they show their love with snuggles.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The truth I guess.

There are certain things I don't talk about, for many reasons. Mostly because no matter how much (unwanted) sympathy any one gives me, nothing will make it better. I have problems that only I can fix. Therefore I avoid bringing things like this up because I know you all love me and I know you'd do anything to make me happy.
But today I have a broken heart.
And I don't feel like saying "i'm just fine" or "I had a great day" because i'm tired of saying i'm fine if i'm not.
I fell in love on accident haha. I had some of the best times of my entire life with this boy and no matter what happens i'll never forget him. I'm afraid I'll always love him though... that is my main concern, that i'll never be able to move on and date other people because I will always just be thinking about him. I'll always compare other boys to him and no one will be as smart or funny or handy.
He didn't do anything terrible or awful to me. I'm just sad that its over and i'm unable to be with the person that I love for reasons that I don't even understand. Reasons that I feel are not legit.

And I also hesitated bringing this up because all of you are just gonna read this and then go hug and kiss your husband and you'll probably think, "man im so glad I dont have to date anymore" haha.

Anyway. It is what it is. I love someone and it didn't go like I wanted it to and i'm left feeling sad and lonely.

I'm young and I know I have a lot to learn and so much more ahead of me.
Little things keep me going.
Taking Olivia down the slide and helping her eat pancakes is helpful haha.

I'll be fine, no worries. Just felt like telling the truth without a sugarcoat.


This guys mom can't love him.
She just can't.

Can you imagine what it'd be like to get tattoos on your FACE? And your NECK?
It makes my bones hurt just to think about it.
Whenever I see pictures like this, or read about criminals/serial killers/rapists etc. etc... I often wonder a few different things...
- What do you like to eat?
- Did your mother/father beat/molest you?
- What was the worst thing you ever did?
- What makes you click- and react the way you do?

When you think about it, some of the most notoriously evil killers lived rather normal lives. Went to church, participated in community events, helped their neighbors, loved children(ew), held down steady jobs...
I'm talking Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, Ed Gein. Just a few examples.
These dudes were able to continuously do their evil deeds because they did not appear to be evil and no one suspected them of anything. How they were able to live their lives without being overwhelmed with guilt and paranoia, we'll never know. I don't know why I think about these things. I guess because when I meet someone I always wonder why they are the way they are. I'm psychologically nosy.
Anyway. Enjoy that creep.
I might be back later to post some more.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


39 cents?

Keep it Sorenson. Just keep it.
I'm insulted.

Monday, May 19, 2008

As a reminder....

In case anyone forgot how freaking amazing my fluffy baby monsters are....

This has got to be my favorite thing ever. It doesn't even piss me off when they drink from the toilet because... its so cute. Look his feets aren't even touching the ground!!

Awethome weekend.

Weekend was pretty alright. I love staying at my moms.
Friday night I had dinner with Sarah, that is always fun I miss seeing her pretty face every day.
Saturday I was lazy and then I went to my moms for a BBQ, fell asleep on the not so comfy couch.
Sunday I worked, did my laundry, hungout at moms some more. Had dinner. Ate too much. We put the living room back together. Well they did, I sort of helped slash sort of watched and played with Liv.
We've been talking about what its gonna be like in a couple years. Camille and Kellen will have moved and taken our sweet Livvy. The boy will be on his mission reppin good old JC. Hopefully Kate will be moved home by then. If not it'll just be the parental units and I. Not that it'd be bad that way, but damn its gonna be hard. I don't think any of us are ready to think about it realistically yet. But folks, time goes by fast and it'll sneak right up on us. We'll cross that bridge when we have to though.
Crazy how life changes and we barely even notice it. Obviously sometimes we have huge drastic changes that effect us immediately but there are also those slow gradual changes that we don't even mean to do. They just happen. I love looking back. At old pictures and journals and remembering all the crazy stupid stuff I did. Remembering haircuts and clothes and places I lived and people I met and how fat I was and how i'm starting to look like that again haha.
Life is crazy. I'm just glad I have amazing people around me who take such good care of me and allow me to be who I am even though i'm mostly nuts.
My breath smells like garlic. Sexy.

I hope everyone has a fantastic monday.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

furrylease-fur elise

So I edited my blog, colors, fonts bla bla bla...
And it made my previous blogs go all wonky, or at least it looks that way on my computer.
So sorry for the wonky.
I shall never edit again!!! (Til later today when I get bored@work)

New girl got a keyboard.
Lucky me.
*bangs head on wall*

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


It was Mary.
My bad.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Hey kate...

This post is to inspire Kate to blog. Thats right kate, peer pressure.
I found some funny comics relating to blogs.
I'm interested in your day to day nonsense so if you could just start one up that'd be great kthnx.
And as far as having time to do it, you could squeeze it in between painting your nails and reading this months vogue ;) jk.

See, blogging is cool. Its like an online journal.
You can say whatever you want. And you can complain when you aren't notified to bring your hatchet....

Just don't blog at work, you might get in trouble....

Hahaha and this one is for any mother who blogs about their kid... which... is all of you.

Anyway. Kate i'm totally teasing, sort of.... It'd be fun if you had one but I know you're busy riding on 50 foot boats, getting massages, and watching the sun set over the great wide ocean.
I started a new book today, since I'm off the zombie sauce for a while, I needed a good distraction.
Alice's Adventures In Wonderland and Through The Looking-Glass. So its like 2 books in one :) I actually heard it was really really good and kind of a creepy twist on how we view alice. I remember when I was little and my mom recorded over Alice in wonderland with BAMBI, freaking BAMBI folks. I was pretty upset at the time, i'm... over it now... I think... (no worries mom, its probably for the best since it was basically symbolic for taking hallucinogenic substances and what not) Anyway I watched it again recently and it actually made me cry. Poor alice is so confused and sad. The part where the broom-esque creatures sweep away her path and all she has is a rock to sit on and she sings a sad sad song about never taking her own advice and she cries and cries. Ya I know, i'm a baby, but this clearly reflects my own life. I never take anyones advice, I hardly ever do what I tell myself to do. Sometimes I even wonder what the hell I was thinking when I did this or that... But anyway, thats just the cartoon version. I'll keep you updated on how the book goes.
Tomorrow is going to be a scary day at work. Mutany, I foresee a mutany.
Love you all.

Monday, May 12, 2008

Rotton watermelon

So i've been thinking a lot lately about where i'm going to move to, or if i'm going to move at all, or who I could live with if I did move or if I did stay. Lots of options I guess. I was thinking about how angry I am at compost girl, yes thats what we'll call her in this blog. I sit home alone at my house and my anger keeps building and building because it smells funny because of all of her weird stuff, she wrote all over the walls the Sarah and I painted last summer (with chalk, what are we 5 now? come on girl, COME ON work with me), and the compost has got to go I just can not deal with it. Finding a giant bag of rotting watermelon in my kitchen just was the last straw for me. So I sit here and i'm angry and I think of all the things I want to say to her when she gets back from work tomorrow. I even rehearse what I'd like to say in the shower. I lay in bed and I lose sleep over it. But today when I was talking to my friend about it she said something that made my entire outlook on the situation change- "So you would rather kick someone out with nowhere to go than try to compromise?"
I am pretty selfish sometimes.
And sometimes when I try to tell someone how I feel it comes out all wrong. Even when I think i'm just being honest and straight forward, people think i'm being really mean. I generally have good intentions and would never be out right rude to someone unless i'd received that kind of treatment from them first.

Well Kit, you're right. I need to compromise. I need to lay down the law but I need to compromise as well. I want everyone to be happy and I want it to be fair. This girl has no idea that she is even doing anything remotely annoying at all. Which... might make it more annoying for me? I don't know. So i've decided that i'm going to try my hardest to be really assertive tomorrow. I need to be firm and make it clear that there are certain things that need to change. But I might have to bend a little too. I guess we'll see how it goes. I don't feel like jamming a fork in her eye anymore though. I'd rather be nice, I realize that gets me a lot farther in life. Mama always told me to kill em' with kindness. Or wait, didn't she also say if you don't have anything nice to say, just say nothing at all? She also told us if we didn't abide she'd make us wear our seat belts :) I love you mommy.

In other news, the gaydom of my cats is still pending investigation. Innocent until proven otherwise but I have received more incriminating photos.

Exhibit A.... Meeting in the living room, giving kisses as they pass by each other...

Exhibit B.... Family snuggles. You can't see it because my christmas tube covers it but I bet they had their tails intertwined.

Exhibit C.... Mid day naps together, Elton resting his head on Coops bottom.

I guess i'll just learn to accept my children no matter who they choose to love. :)
Here is a cute picture of the good room mate. This is my long time friend Mary Beth Bates.

She is a good cook, so is her mother.

Since i'm bored at work, I plan to bore you all with photographs. I have literally thousands of pictures stored on the web.... SO i'm going to start with something that makes me smile really big. If you're ever feeling blue and you need a good chuckle, grab your digital camera, point it at yourself, and blow your lips real hard like a horsey.

Impressive flappers Boy.

Camille needs to practice ;)

Those make me happy :) I think thats what i'll do when I go home tonight. Yes yes I know I lead a pretty pathetic life, thats when you know its a sad life, when you're excited to go home so you can flap your lips for the digital camera. But hey, whatever makes you happy right?

I found this little picture a while back and it reminded me a lot of my family.

Not because they eat a lot of lard or anything hahaha but just because they tease me a little for not eating meat, and they about killed over when I started baking vegan cupcakes. Now now I must say that my family has been so so so so much more understanding a tolerant and accommodating of my eating habits lately. There is always yummy food that I can eat at dinner and Mom always asks me what she can make me. And papa is always more than happy to BBQ up my veggie burgers :) I really appreciate it so much. It was hard for a while when i'd come to dinner and there would be not much I could eat. I know its my choice to eat this way, and i'm not complaining at all. I'm just really happy that my family loves me no matter what I do or don't eat and its good to know they are willing to order and try new things or bake new things just for me. I love you guys, thank you. And Dad, who knows, maybe someday we'll chew on some steak together again. But for now you can just keep blowing the meaty aroma in my direction.

Also this picture here reminds me of Kara Burns aka Peterson. This is a shout out to her fo sho. And to any other whiteys who find themselves speakin gangsta talk. Kate- Camille- you know you do it. Who can resist that old school rap? I openly admit to frequently listening to Coolio- Gangsters paradise. Snoop dogg, Dr Dre, Eminem... Not their new jams though, I'm talkin circa 2000. Back when the jams were jamsey and we were able to flow like original G units.

Ok I think thats all i'll bore you with tonight...
WAIT NO... One more thing guys....
If you love me you'll buy me one of these....

Only like 1400 Bones, so no big deal right?

Sunday, May 11, 2008


This is why i'm late for work everyday.
Its also the answer to the same question I hear all the time, "howcome we never hangout??"

Elton, blame Elton.

Macaaaaw! Macaaaaw!!!

Totally had the best time ever at the zoo with my sisters, mommy, olivia and kellen.
It'd been a while since i'd been to the zoo, I generally don't enjoy going it makes me pretty sad. I don't like seeing huge animals in cages. I know I know the zoo keepers give them a good life but why can't we just leave them where they are? We humans think we're super bad ass and we can just put them in cages to gawk at. The monkeys looked sad, so did the rhino. Anyway, other than me wanting to let them all roam free... it was a blast.

Good times in the lion head :)

Probably the cutest picture of us girls I've seen so far....

Kate and Mama.
Aaaaand then we met up again later for dinner for Dads birthday. He's 52 today. Happy birthday papa!
Olivia likes brocoli.

So i'm just chillin at work, not a lot going on right now.
Sarahs birthday was yesterday, I met up with her and some friends last night. She turned 23, but she didn't want to be 23 because "nobody likes you when you're 23" so I told her she can stay 22 til next year. Fine by me!

Its mothers day yay! I love my mommy so much. She is so good to me. I couldn't ask for a better mother really everyone should be jealous that my mom is so cool. I should also give a shout out to Camille, since she's a mother too. Weird. haha.

And all you other lovely mothers out there. Celebrate!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Thanks mom and Camille for helping me make a cake yesterday :) I don't what i'd do without your creative minds!! The cake was kittylicious. mmmm hmmm. I wish I had a picture of it but by the time I got home the kitty face had smeared to one side :( boo.
Had a pretty great night last night.
Made Seth try some shrimp and... lets see for the past 3.5 years of knowing him i've never seen him eat a drop of seafood but uhhh what can I say, the kid loves me and i'm persuasive as all hell.

He hated it :) But at least he KNOWS he hates it, instead of just thinking he hated it without trying it.
This is the I hate shrimp face- and I'm making a Teehee woowoo face.

Then he let me ride his bike :) Look Ma! No gears!!

Someday I'll have a fixie of my own... yes... yes. I will.

I drank too much coffee today. 12 oz. = perfect.... 20 oz. = bloated and far too alert.

Oh and just in case anyone forgot, Olivia is the coolest kid ever.

If you were like 200 pounds overweight would you eat an entire bowl of creampuffs (about 15 puffs) in front of all your coworkers?
If you hadn't shaved your legs in 5 years would you wear a short dress to work?

Just some thoughts I had today.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

happy birthday KC

I'm a tad late but it was KC's birthday on the 30th. As well as Erin Nielsons aka North? right? I think its Mickies birthday too. Hooray!
Anyhow KC turned 18, even though he is a man now, we're still going to call him The Boy. I find it funny that even neighbors and friends call him the boy. Sometimes people are like "uhhh are you sure he likes that?" Well.... I don't know... I figure if he disliked being called the Boy he'd cry or something and since he hasnt had a mental breakdown from it yet, I assume we're still good to go on calling him the boy.
We had dinner at PF Changs.... mmmmmmm twas tasty as usual. I appreciate Kellens awareness of my non meat eating- he ordered a lovely eggplant dish for us all :) I challenged papa to eating a little hot red chili pepper. Uhhh BIG MISTAKE, I am NOT macho like I thought I was. He ate it with no sweat however I was sweating for sure. I could hardly breathe after and anything I ate after that just tasted like fire. I swear I felt it when I pooped it out the next day. TOo much info? Probably but hey I'm being honest and my butt was ON FIRE.
Anyway it was a good time, I love you KC. Here are some pictures from that night. Don't mind my nappy greasy face/hair. I needs a hurrrcut.

Ok so here is the big bunch of us, minus the most good looking member, Katie....

Camille and I looking geeky as usual....

Olivia being the cutest damn thing on the planet, giggling quite loudly, probably upsetting the tables around us but uhhh who cares right? I'll judo chop anyone who has beef with her giggles or loud noises.

And then another one, where I was mid-sentence, Camille still lookin supa-fly.

So there you have it. I heart birthdays.

In other news, my room mate listens to blue grass at very inappropriate early hours. She also doesn't eat sugar or swear. Two things I may or may not do excessively. But hey to each his/her own. Room mates ARE HARD TO DEAL WITH. If anyone of you knows a super awesome 1 bedroom house downtown/sugarhouse area that is like Free.99, let me know and i'll move in asap.

The gaydom of my two boy cats seems pretty certain lately although it is still pending investigation. What do you guys think?

I think halloween is my favorite holiday by far. You get to wear whatevsies without ridicule. Eating excessive amounts of candy is not looked down upon. Plus its spooky, and i'm into that.
Sarah and I had a really really excellent halloween this year, just thought i'd show you guys this because Its funny :)

I once dated a guy who went by the name of Jefe. Jefecito. Little boss. He was actually quite tall though. Anyway he was nice I guess, we had fun together. One day I was in his room and I found an old bible so I opened it up and he had written all over the inside of it with some of the following phrases, some I wont repeat...
Jesus is at McDonalds
Jesus hates fags....

Needless to say that was a very short relationship. Dating is so hard. I meet so many good lookin guys who just turn out to be creepzors. I'm like uhhh maybe we could have dated if you hadn't ever opened your mouth? Or maybe we could have dated if... you were a different person. I know i'm not perfect either but Is it really that hard to find a nice decent guy?
I'm not asking for much.
-isn't allergic to cats
-likes scary movies- not love stories
-eats a lot of food, and enjoys to cook
-is taller than me
-uses proper grammar and punctuation when texting and talking.
-wants to meet my ma and pa.
-doesnt have shitty tattoos, ok ok I should clarify, I have tattoos, and I love tattoos, but I see A LOT OF SHITTY LOOKIN TATTOOS these days. I'm not even kidding I saw someone with a tattoo on their pinky of a tampon. A dirty tampon with feces and flies all around it. I almost vomited and my next thought was, "umm do you have a motheR, orrr any sort of self respect?"
-likes me for me, including my curly toe and random neck hairs.
-loves his mother
I have many more expectations but its too much to list. Point is.... where are these men? Do they exist?

Ok thats all for now. Sanks. G'day mate.