Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The truth I guess.

There are certain things I don't talk about, for many reasons. Mostly because no matter how much (unwanted) sympathy any one gives me, nothing will make it better. I have problems that only I can fix. Therefore I avoid bringing things like this up because I know you all love me and I know you'd do anything to make me happy.
But today I have a broken heart.
And I don't feel like saying "i'm just fine" or "I had a great day" because i'm tired of saying i'm fine if i'm not.
I fell in love on accident haha. I had some of the best times of my entire life with this boy and no matter what happens i'll never forget him. I'm afraid I'll always love him though... that is my main concern, that i'll never be able to move on and date other people because I will always just be thinking about him. I'll always compare other boys to him and no one will be as smart or funny or handy.
He didn't do anything terrible or awful to me. I'm just sad that its over and i'm unable to be with the person that I love for reasons that I don't even understand. Reasons that I feel are not legit.

And I also hesitated bringing this up because all of you are just gonna read this and then go hug and kiss your husband and you'll probably think, "man im so glad I dont have to date anymore" haha.

Anyway. It is what it is. I love someone and it didn't go like I wanted it to and i'm left feeling sad and lonely.

I'm young and I know I have a lot to learn and so much more ahead of me.
Little things keep me going.
Taking Olivia down the slide and helping her eat pancakes is helpful haha.

I'll be fine, no worries. Just felt like telling the truth without a sugarcoat.